• 02:31 time for sleepies. #
• 12:56 Exam time! Wish me luck! #
• 14:18 FML. Dates got mixed up. Get to do it all again tomorrow. #

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It's very frustrating when I'm out and doing things and people come along and "help". Like earlier when I was getting something out of the vending machine, and all I needed to do was change the angle of my chair to get at it. Some guy came along and decided to fish it out for me. And when I dropped some money and was working on getting Celeste to fetch it, some girl came along and picked it up. And my dad, when Celeste's leash got caught on my chair, automatically started to try fixing it. In all those instances, I have to say "Thank you" when all I want to do is scream.

I don't mind help when I ask for it, or when I know I'm holding other people up. But I hate getting it when I don't want it. Because I can do stuff for myself. It's the whole wheelchair = poor invalid chick assumption that grates.

I appreciate that people are just being kind, I do. But at the same time I hate the way it makes me feel, because I have serious doubts that they'd do the same for someone not in a chair.

I know it's bugging me more in light of yesterday and the knowledge I'll have to be very dependent for several weeks, twice. Because of that, my brain doesn't see it as people being nice... instead it comes across to my brain as, "People think I can't do stuff on my own," and it makes me want to hurt things.

Usually I can tolerate the patronizing kindness of people like that better. Today I just hate it.

• 02:44 Watching brave kids on TLC didn't make me feel any braver. Need to be up in like, 4 1/2 hours & pain has been keeping me up. Sonofabitch. D: #
• 17:29 If you're interested to read about my surgeon appointment: unintendedmuse.livejournal.com/114436.html Now I need to study. Boo! #
• 23:05 Lie to Me was kind of awesome. Loker was adorkable, and I love Felicia Day in anything. #

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I saw the orthopedic surgeon this morning to discuss my feet issues.

Since I have a bunch of new friends since the last time I really blogged about my feet issues, I'll give a little backstory: I have cerebral palsy, and it makes all my muscles very spastic. Somewhere in the interchange between my muscles and my brain, important communications get lost. When my muscles get tight--which is pretty much 24/7--they lack the ability to relax on their own. They stay tight, and I need massage twice a week to function in my body as a result, especially since my brain is also kind of broken when it comes to pain perception. I have what's called neuropathic chronic pain. Without going into too much detail about that because it's really confusing and complicated, it basically means my body responds to any pain I experience like it's red alert, Defcon 4, etc, etc... I have no minor pains any more, if I put myself on another person's pain perception scale. It kind of really sucks.

Anyway. Back to the CP and the spasticity it causes. It's always affected my feet the most, from as far back as I can remember. It caused bunions to develop on both feet, and caused my toes to overlap. My second toe rested on top of big toe, and still does on my left foot. I'd known since I was about 8 that I would eventually need surgery to correct the problem. It was only a matter of waiting until the bunions started to cause pain. For years, they didn't, and I got to avoid major surgery.

I finally had the right foot operated on a year ago, in September '08. The surgery itself was routine, but the recovery was grueling. It was eight weeks in a cast, with that foot constantly elevated. My right side is my dominant, stronger side; it was very difficult, having to weight bear on my weaker (and unoperated) left side. I was confined to my wheelchairs when I wasn't in bed.

After I was out of the cast, the surgeon wanted to wait a year before doing the next surgery, to be sure my right side was recovered enough to bear all my weight during the next round of recovery. So we planned to do the left side in the spring, after the spring term finishes.

But from the start, my surgeon gave me a giant disclaimer about how, because of the CP, it was impossible to predict how my body would react to surgery. Even operated on, my muscles are still spastic. They still pull at my feet, hard. There's not much that can be done to correct that tendency, since it's the signals my muscles get (or don't get, as the case may be) from my brain that are the culprit.

Really short version: the muscles in my right foot went back to pulling, except now instead of the second toe going over the big toe, it's the opposite. The big toe is drifting over the second toe, and causing it to blister painfully. And at this point I've seen two psychiatrists who have said that a second surgery on the right foot is the only lasting solution to fix the problem. Using a toe spacer and trying Botox are only in-the-meantime techniques, to help keep the problem from getting worse. These opinions were shared by the tech who made my toespacer, and my surgeon, and his resident. It was always my gut feeling, too.

So as of today, the surgery on the left foot has been bumped back another year. Correcting the right foot is more important, especially because of the blistering. It's so easy for those blisters to become infected, and that's a huge concern on all sides.

In April, the surgeon is going to fuse the big toe so it can no longer move. It's not an ideal solution, because they hate doing surgeries like that in people who are still so young, but it's my best solution because it means the muscles won't be able to pull at it, no matter how hard they try. It's looking like he's going to do the same thing to the left big toe when he gets around to the left foot.

So yeah. That was my morning. On the bright side, he didn't want x-rays now. That made me happy, because I loathe having to get my feet x-rayed.

• 00:39 Oh, fuck you very much, brain. I do not need to be experiencing overwhelming insecurity after the day I had. Which was once in a lifetime. #
• 01:36 My CTV interview still isn't up. :( #
• 10:49 Going to brunch at the golf club. Nom nom! #
• 14:53 Holy crap! My CBC interview was on the NATIONAL news! #
• 16:46 Hee hee. I just noticed this: RT @CTVOtorch Kait Bowser is carrying the torch with her cute dog! #

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Poll #1498594 Blogging
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 10

If I were to do a Celeste blog, where should I host it?

Would you read it?

• 01:25 I love my friends. RT: @japanbrenna @unintendedmuse maybe your masked crusader name can be Kaip? Obvs your costume would include a cape... #
• 13:20 Kind of drained. Had an anxiety attack earlier, because my brain is fucked up. Need more caffeine to get through the next few hours. Yaay. #
• 14:29 At mall waiting to get chauffered to my spot! #
• 16:19 Did my torch run! Went slow, like I said I would. :D #
• 16:59 Longest bus ride ever! I'm going to overheat at this rate. So hot, oh my God. #
• 18:22 What a day. #
• 19:16 My treat when I got home was to cuddle sleepy lab puppy! #
• 20:36 Another reason why I love this time of year: 12 days of hawt menz #
• 23:40 Watched Julie & Julia. I enjoyed it, but good lord was Julia Child's voice grating. #

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• 15:05 Stupid legs hurty. Make it stop. D: </childish whine> #
• 16:22 Time for a shower. ;) #
• 17:29 Newport pizza! Nom nom nom. #
• 20:53 @ '67s game. 2nd period. Missed most of 1st b/c of interviews (CBC) & photo ops. Ahh, to be semi famous for 15 minutes! #
• 23:13 Dear CBC: My name is KaiT, not Kaip. #

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• 00:09 @chellenator Send her my way if you need someone with a PhD in SPN canon. #
• 03:54 *faceplant* #
• 15:58 Had botox consult. Dr. Yang was nice, competent. Now enjoying happy hour at Kinki! Mmm, sushi... #
• 18:04 I nearly got tongue kissed by a bulldog. #
• 22:53 bit.ly/2XjkSq if you haven't seen this video already, you need to. Male a cappella group performs "Poker Face". #

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• 14:05 Am being interviewed by CTV! This is not my life. #
• 16:07 Going to be on the news at 6. This is so weird. #

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• 01:08 Dnw to have to get up at 8:30. But I have to go to the stupid library and stupid make up class. </cranky> And God bless Starbucks everyone! #
• 01:50 Body isn't working, I can't get away with not showering, I have to be out in public in the AM. Let's hope I don't die trying to shower, yay! #
• 02:01 Didn't die. Now I faceplant into bed. *thud* #
• 11:38 Got the books I need & am waiting for workshop to start. I have no money & my laptop is dead. #
• 13:17 FML. I lost my bookbag in the tunnels. Found it again, but only after meeting Campus Security. #
• 18:56 Chocolate balls were a success! #
• 22:18 CWAC has a new yellow lab puppy named Orchid. She is the most adorable thing ever. I am sad class got canceled tomorrow. Want to meet her! #
• 22:43 i45.photobucket.com/albums/f82/unintendedmuse/orchid.png most adorable puppy EVER, clearly! #
• 23:06 Is anyone else experiencing LJ comment!fail? I know they've been made, because I see them up, but none have made it my inbox! #

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I love how now whenever I mention to my parents that moiread is going to come over and bake, all they ask is "What do you need?"

Well, unless it's my dad. Then he whines about wanting chocolate chip cookies. :p

• 16:15 @chellenator It's like mother nature finally remembered it's winter in Canada. :p #
• 16:16 @chellenator @b8g8 It is easy. Though I recommend having a food processor to make it even easier. #
• 20:31 @jollamanator I am envisioning bowling ball shaped holes in TV screens across America. #
• 20:35 @chellenator Is it on TV? If so, which channel? I want to watch! #
• 20:38 @jollamanator Indeed. At least for those people who have been salivating over new TVs, but can't justify the purchase. ;) #

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• 02:33 Only two episodes of Supernatural can make me cry. #
• 14:03 Going to the store! *zooms* #
• 16:55 @skycornerless Warmer shoes/boots aren't necessary when you're a cool kid. #
• 17:03 Is LJ being painfully slow for anyone else? #
• 21:41 @Chellenator is making peppermint bark! Yum! #
• 21:49 The food processer went & broked on us so it's ghetto baking time! #
• 22:05 If you didn't know better, you'd think we were snorting lines of crack thanks to all the peppermint dust on the counter. #
• 23:21 @puja Which game? Is it football, or...? #

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• 02:25 @puja has a pretty Christmas tree, even if her picture taking skills needs some work! #
• 02:34 asgkhjl; I hate when people use the shower rod to hang clothes--especially underwear--for drying when they know I will be using the shower. #
• 15:36 @endeers That trailer scarred my retinas. #
• 15:41 @heymermaid So this. I always get a ton of writing ideas RIGHT before I'm supposed to write an exam. It's cruel. #
• 23:16 I accidentally ripped my shirt, and it's like I did it on purpose for a thumb hole. Thank god it's just a basic shirt for under other stuff. #

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Okay, it's December. It's the last week of classes, and I'll have time to do not-school things, like write fic.

I already have something in mind for some of you, but I'd still like to do the asking for prompts. They may not all get finished by Christmas, but they will get finished this year.

I'm open to writing in pretty much any fandom: Supernatural, Marvel/DC, Harry Potter, Criminal Minds, CSI/CSI:NY, True Blood (the show), Grey's Anatomy, Bones, Stargate: SG1/SGA, Torchwood, Glee, etc. You can extrapolate from there.

The only thing I won't write, as many of you already know, is incest. Or extreme stuff like rape and non-con. You know, the usual no goes.

Chelle: Half-naked Logan Cale telling Max to cover her eyes while he stands up for the first time since his accident, after months and months of gueling PT, so that he can say, "Okay, open them," and then kiss her while she's stunned?
Chelle: That's me. As a puddle on the floor. *fangirl sigh*
: Hee.
Chelle: It wasn't some terrible soap opera moment either. He had to sit back down right after and it wasn't like he could magically walk again, but it was a start and he was proud of it.
: I hate shows that do that.
Chelle: Me too.
: I am kind of twitchy about Bobby in that wheelchair. Because when you're paralyzed, you need a special cushion with a lot of air cushioning to avoid sores because you can't feel it, so you don't know to automatically shift your weight. And knowing this, my brain conjures up Bobby with sores on his ass and it's gross and kind of painful and it throws me out of the show a little.
Chelle: gfhdjkghfkld;hgsl;dg >_<
: Don't you just love OCD personalities?
Chelle: I love Bobby, but I really have no interest in his wrinkly old man ass when it's healthy, let alone covered in sores. *shudder*
: John, on the other hand....
Chelle: Mmmmmmmmmm. We've SEEN his ass. It is not wrinkly old man ass at ALL.
: Nope. :D
Chelle: JDM's butt is downright biteable. Definitely smackable.
: Oh, yeah. To borrow a quote from PSILU.... Can I take him home as a souvenir?
Chelle: *giggles* We really need to get laid.

... ...

: So... yay porn?(!)
Chelle: Yaaaay, porn!

• 10:48 Have 45 minutes to kill. Interviews went okay. #

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: This is not my life, I swear to God.
Bri: What's going on, baby?
: Just that two guys in Journalism contacted me about profiling me for the radio, and now I got contacted by the sports editor of the school's paper. And I will be dropping the puck at a minor league hockey game, and will almost certainly wind up being interviewed by the local news. ... Correction: three people want do the radio thing.
: I just... that's not my life, you know?
Bri: *nods* Pretty amazing though, right?
: It's crazy.

• 01:38 I would like to stop being sick now. #
• 19:51 @chellenator I have to call you an evil cow, now. ;) #

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